One of the scariest things for me was putting my child in the care of another family and never getting to hear from her again. I can safely say that for me this was not the case. When I had finally made the decision to place my child up for adoption I was 8 weeks along. I think that was better in this situation. There are some women that can not bring themselves to make that decision as quickly as I did. However, in my situation I am very happy that I did. I was able to separate myself from the baby. I tried not to get too attached to the baby although, carrying her in my belly for nine months was not the easiest thing to do.
When I had decided to meet with an adoption agent he was very respectful of my feelings. Never once did I feel pressured into making this decision. Fortunately most of the adoption organizations are non-profit organizations. Which means it doesn't matter if you do or do not place with them... getting paid is not what they are all about. I was able to bring my mother and my grandmother with me, they took me into this room. It had a couch and a few chairs, it almost looked like a living room which made me feel a little more comfortable. Jared, My worker took me through the entire thing. From right then to the birth of the baby. With this starting out as a Closed-Adoption I was able to meet the parents once before I chose them and then once again before the baby was born. then Jared asked me my criteria, like how many other children, race, and so on. Once I told him what i was looking for in the parents he gave me about ten profiles to match what I wanted. I was not too picky, there were only two things I wanted and that was for the mother to look kind of like me and for there to be no other children. I wanted to help a family who could not have children of their own. I looked through the profiles and I actually found a family that I really liked. I told Jared and he informed me that that couple had a "Hard Hold" on them. Which means that someone else had already picked them and they were just waiting for the baby to be born. I was quite upset but I continued to look. Jared would give me ten profiles at a time and I probably went through about 50 different profiles. in the second to last batch of profiles my mom found one that she fell in love with. I was OK with them but I was so sick of looking through all of the profiles. I told Jared and he informed me that this couple had a "Soft Hold" on them. Which meant that there was a birth mother that needed to choose between them and one other couple. I didn't want to compete with another birth mother so I said no. I was really getting discouraged at this point but I was determined to go through the last batch of profiles.
I told myself that if I could not find a couple in this batch I will have to come up with a plan "B". My Mom and I were sitting on the couch going through the last profile and I immediately closed it. My mom asked me why I didn't want to look at that one and I told her that the name of the man was the same name of the birth father, and as you can see, I am not too found of him. she said that I should just read the letter and if I don't like them fine, but if I did then we can make that name mean something good not bad. Just as I was about to turn the page with all of the pictures of them over my 4-year-old brother came up to me and said "look its Lala!!" and pointed to the woman in the picture. I was stunned. I read the letter and it was like they were talking to me! I went to Jared and he said that they were all mine!! I knew this was the right choice.!!!
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