I have a lot of people ask me how I can handle not being able to see my daughter everyday. My answer is easy. One... I am not her mommy. I wanted to give her what I did not have. Therefore she is someone elses daughter. She will always be my biological daughter and I will always love her the way I love a daughter, but if I keep in the mindset that she belongs to another family, it is easier to continue not seeing her everyday. Two... I gave her to the most amazing parents. I never have to wonder if she is doing alright or if she is in good hands. I already have the answer! I am so grateful to have that feeling. And last.... When I decided to place her I started this little binder. I took Travis and Jessica's profile (the one you get when you are still deciding) and I took it apart and put into a binder. Then I saved everything that I recieved from them. Every letter, card, present, etc. I also kept a copy of the items I gave to them. I started with just one little 3 ring binder. After Afton was born I quickly had to replace it with a much bigger one!!! Travis and Jessica showered me with pictures of her and I saved every one of them!
Probably the most rewarding present of all was the little scrapbook I got from Travis and Jessica on Afton's first birthday! They took a picture of each member of their family and had that member write a little something to me. This really showed me that more than just Trav, Jess and myself were effected by this decision. To hear the love that these people have for my little girl helps me know that I made the right decision.
This is the scrapbook I made of all of the pictures that Travis and Jessica sent me.
As you can see... it is quite thick!!!
It started out with with just her first year.... but it has grown to her whole life... I need to change the title!
This is the scrapbook I got from Trav and Jess on her first birthday!
It was the best present I have ever received from them!
Each family member wrote a little something to me. Each time I feel a little down or I am just starting to miss Afton, I read these and I remember why I did this! I can just feel the love pouring off these pages each time I read them!
There are times that it becomes very hard for me to actually put my head around the fact that I gave a baby up for adoption. But, when you think about what a miracle it is for another persons family, all of those doubts or sadness goes away. I know that she is my saving grace, and it is nice to know that she is someone elses too!
